Confessions of a Confused Patriot

Scientists once conducted an experiment: They put a frog in a tub of water that had a burner underneath. Gradually they kept increasing the heat by fraction of a degree everyday. Every day the frog's body adapted to the increased temperature. They still kept on increasing the temperature up to a point where normally a frog would jump out of the water not bearing the heat, but because it was done little by little everyday, the frog did not feel the difference and its body kept adapting.

Then one day the frog died. 

It died because it should have died in the first place. It died because if you had put a frog into this temperature out of fresh air, it would have jumped out in the first place. 

This one did not act immediately, but died eventually - like the people of Pakistan, because the burner was raised so gradually that we learnt to live with burners like bomb blasts like we drink tea everyday."

Since childhood I have been a true patriot, always very passionate about my homeland, its economic and political situation and with undying urge to serve my country. Then something happened - I moved out of Pakistan for work and spent almost 4 years out of the country. Also, I left at a very crucial time, before the fall of the Musharraf military rule, before the Lal Masjid operation, before the Judiciary strike, before the Benazir killing, before Mr. 200% percent (the most hated man in Pakistan right now, Asif Ali Zardari) came to power, before power shutdowns became a nightmare, before the floods happened - I left at a time when Musharraf was still considered to be doing better than most other governments before. I visited often but that did not spoil my cherry-eyed image of my country. It was not until 2011 when I moved back to Pakistan, that I realised how much this country had deteriorated over the past few years. I had heard about it, but I had not believed it until I saw it for myself. The divide in the rich and the poor is at its worse, the common man is at his worst economically, socially and medically. The recent floods have brought so much more contamination to the country, there are more people dying of Dengue right now than of chronic illnesses.  

However, been born in raised in Pakistan, and being from the fortunate 10% who can still manage to afford generators, sweet water tankers and petrol at the sky rocket prices,  I managed to settle back in. But I did forget, although I was lucky enough to provide basic needs and basic entertainment for myself in Pakistan - I could not imagine to feel as liberated, as care free and find opportunities as easily as I could while living abroad. But this part of the equation only hit me when I moved out again (just last month) and came to Toronto. Landing in Toronto, I saw such amazing social infrastructure, offering such easy access to learning, training, entertainment and that too without any security or social threat - that it almost felt like I was breathing again! There are free libraries and community workshops, there is free assistance in language training and job hunting for new immigrants; one can walk out of their home anytime, without having to worry if your clothes look great (referring to the condition of the Pakistani elite right now), or that the neighbour's security guard is going to stare at you as if he had encountered a rare species. 

Its sad, and I confess, I am not the frog that was in the pond, I am the frog outside the pond that jumped in, felt the heat and jumped back out again!

As a native, I am still all for doing something to improve the situation for Pakistan, but I don't think I can be happier just living there as a dormant part of the problem.




P.S: While I confess the above, I still stand by the firm belief that Pakistan is a young country with problems of its age and additional problems due to constant international interference and dependence. I still believe that terrorism is not a problem we invented for ourselves but a problem that was shoved onto us for 'someone elses' global agenda (call me a conspiracy theorists but conspiracies are an exaggerated version of some lurking truth underneath). I still believe that media does blow Pakistan out of proportion, not because they show the bomb blasts that rightly take place in the country, but because they fail to show what 'else' (good) happens with our budding youth. (Reference to my earlier post: Re-Launching Brand Pakistan)

The 2996 (more important?) Deaths...

Observing the recent 10 year anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I felt grieved and saddened for this was perhaps one of the most shocking and heartbreaking global event over the past many decades. At the same time, I also felt deceived and ignored, a lesser human being, a less important race in humanity - because in my country (the much talked about, Pakistan) there are on average 2-3 bomb blasts, drone attacks or target killings every month and the  death toll is in multiples of what was at the twin towers - but no one mourns that. In Africa, more children die of contaminated water than of bomb blasts in my country, but we live with that as a given. In Iraq, Afghanistan and Palestine, foreign military forces are guilty of killing innocent civilians, also in multiples of the number that was killed on 9/11, but no one mourns that. 

Mourning 9/11 is natural, but glorifying it beyond exaggeration and documenting the life histories of those 2996 families as if those were the only families who have had to survive without a father, a brother, a mother or live to see their children die, is almost discriminatory and racists. Yes racist - just like bullying homosexuals is considered so in most parts of United States. Being so sensitive towards 2996 deaths and so insensitive towards the other, greater number and perhaps more devastating deaths, does not sound fair either. Honestly, there are more people fighting for of minority genders and school bullying victims than the deaths of innocent civilians in Middle East, South Asia and Africa.  

I think Americans need to grow out of their self-pity glorification and look around at how privileged they are as compared to the rest of the globe. At least their children get free education, social protection and life long healthcare if they do not have a bread earner in the family. Yes, that's what a starved, abused,  poor orphan on the streets of Afghanistan, Pakistan or Palestine would think! 

Dragons Den for Pakistan?

Recently I've been watching 'Dragons Den' again on TV, a reality show where small and up start entrepreneurs are given the chance to present their business plans to rich investors and raise capital to expand their venture. It reminds me of my MBA days when we used to present academic business plans to our jury and get trashed and grilled on what we thought was a well thought out plan.

I was wondering, and I doubt that we have something like this in Pakistan. We have been very proactive in copying the 'american idol' and 'indian dance divas' which has brought forth a lot of hidden singers / actors and dancers and that might have helped a few fortunate individuals to embark onto a career and support their families but it hardly goes on to help improve lives beyond one family in the short term. Also, not that I am against performing arts (in fact I'm quick a fan), I do think it is important to attract talent towards other fields as well because in the arts and talent industry only a small percentage becomes successful. That's just the nature of the field, most artists only become legends after years and years of consistent hard unpaid work and that doesn't help raise their families or school their children but a small hot-dog stand stand can give you cash starting from the first day. I use the example of a hot-dog stand because given the unemployed numbers in Pakistan, many would even value being able to just do that if they could just raise a little bit of start-up cash and many mobile food shops turn out to become big cafe's in a few years, so there is a good possibility to get bigger with a small business like that. 

The good thing about something like Dragons Den is that it closes the gap between the 'good ideas not so wealthy people have' and the 'capital and experience big investors have' . When an individual gets approved for investment by 'dragons' in this show, he/she is able to start up a business which will usually be scalable across cities or the entire country and that not only makes a living for the entreprenuer but also for all the people employed in the value chain. It bridges the gap of not only capital but also experience, training and mentorship because when a 'dragon' (investor) invests in one of these business ideas, they also hold a stake of the company and agree to provide hands-on guidance to the budding entrepreneur. At times two or more investors join in which brings more capital and experience to the table.

I have followed a few success stories of 'Dragons Den' which have led backyard businesses to reach out across borders! This is indeed very encouraging and perhaps one of the best ways to create jobs in the current post recessionary environment.

Economic Development cannot take place without the flow of cash from the rich to the struggling and the transfer of skills and knowledge to a greater deprived population. If we start Dragons Den in Pakistan, I can imagine philanthropic business tycoons like Razzaq Dawood and Syed Babar Ali also finding a structured channel for boosting social capital and growth for Pakistan in the shorter and longer term, because its not every day that you can build something like LUMS. 

Back to School!

So there is this whole 'back to school' phenomenon here in North America that I'm experiencing for the first time. Everyone's just blabbing about it, from a pencil to a car, everything is on a 'back to school' promotion and deal. I'm reading moms posting messages on facebook about how 'bullying' is uncool and literally every TV commercial talks about back to school. Its not like I haven't seen 'back to school' happening back home, I mean every country has this post summer phase when kids get into new grades with new uniforms, and new books, stationery etc. We have ourselves experienced this excitement too as kids but what makes me smile and kind of laugh time and again is how 'big a deal' it is over here (in a good sense). 

The only thing that disturbs me though is how back to school advertising from clothing brands focus on the 'cool' or 'uncool' school wear and how they emotionally seduce moms to buy their kids new wardrobes so that they do not face self esteem issues when they go back to school this year. At the same time this part of the world experiences more bullying issues at schools which I think is somewhat also fueled by not having uniforms in school. By not having uniforms you're opening a whole new opportunity of discrimination, finger pointing, prejudice, increased self indulgence and consumerism among kids. Whats even more ironic is that its the public schools which do not have uniforms (most of the private ones do), whereas you have more children from the middle class and immigrant backgrounds studying in public schools. Being an immigrant is in itself sometimes food for bully-ism; so to add to your different colour, you now have your dress sense or money (or the lack of it) add to the diversity overdose in schools. 

As they go to the next grade with perhaps more books and heavier curriculum, the last thing I would want my kid to worry about is his/her clothes and whether or not they look cool enough for school. And it doesn't just stop at clothes you know, its all those accessories that go with it (and for girls the list is never ending). I think when it comes to student life, I like the old school thought from back home in south asia where people think strictly about exams, sports, extra-curricular and activities that add to your character and not more. Our schools did not even allow us to have a different coloured or fancy pony tail, let alone anything else. And I think that really kept us from being distracted by our or other students' appearances.

I think there is at least one element that needs to be removed from this whole 'back to school' phenomenon in the media, and that would be the 'wardrobe'. 

p.s this is what you get when you type 'back to school' on you tube (just notice the order and you'll understand my point). 

A perfect play of spirituality and vacation...

Dua'en boht soch ker aye they
Tere Dareechey per sab bhool gayeen
Duniya ki takleefein leker aye they
Teri chadar ki siyahi mei kho gayeen
Jitni kami thi zindagi mei
ek Teri kami se puree hueen
Barrey josh se ayee thi Tere darr per
Ye jalwa dekh ker behosh huee 
[Fizza, at Kaabah, 24th July 2011]

Ankhon mei ansoo hain pathar
Kitne paani mei hai aimaan aj dekha

Dil mei sakhti hai jese pathar

Kitna ishq e Ilahi hai aj dekha

Rongttey kharey hain jaise mimbar

Tere ghar ki shaan kia hai aj dekha

Dil bekhaufee se hai khaufzada

Momin ka munafiq hona aj dekha

Siyaah to hai ye chadar o aswad

Dil ka siyahh hona magar aj dekha

Tere habib to phirtey hain idhar

Gunahgar ka tawaf magar aj dekha

(fizza , at kaabah, 24 Jul 2011)

Kash mei kuch saal peechey chali jaun
Ek masoom bachi bann ker Tere darr per auun
Gunnah ho mera buss zam zam ka girna
Dua ho meri bus gurriya ka milna


Kash mei Mohammad (SW) ke zamaney mei chali jaun
Jo aye na samajh kuch to Aap (SW) se puchney aun
Gunnah hota mera buss chaadar ka urrna
Dua hoti meri shahadat ka milna


Kash na hota mere dil mei ye bojh
Dhoungee kesey itney gunahon ko soch
Farishta ek hee kaafi tha mere kaandhey per Mola
Duujey per dala meine korey kaghaz ka bojh


[Fizza, 26 July, at Kaabah]


(Beyond the humble attempt of expression above, I have no words to do justice to the spiritual experience of the holy cities and pilgrimage, but a mere factual account is described below)



Its been quite long since I blogged, but better still, I had been traveling so much that I gathered some more substance to blog about. Well, last month I was in Saudi Arabia, for the shorter muslim pilgrimage (Umrah). The pilgrimage takes place in Makkah but once you're in the country, almost every one (muslim) makes it a duo trip to Makkah & Madinah. Madinah is where the last Prophet (Pbuh) spent most of his lifetime post the revelation of the Holy Quran and so his (pbuh) tomb is also in the same city.

It is quite an experience for a believing muslim to visit these sacred cities. We have since childhood read about the stories of the spread of Islam and the sacrifices of early muslims and the followers of our beloved Prohpet (pbuh). One expects and also desires that once you set your eyes on the Kaabaah or the Masjid-e-Nabvi your eyes will burst into uncontrollable, unintentional, spontaneous tears and one would feel that their soul is still alive and in touch with its spiritual self. To me that moment took some time to come, and inititally i was embarrassed and a bit disappointed in myself. But later when I shared my experience with other people, many said that it sometimes takes time in sink in the fact that you are at that holy place. And at other times, some believe, our souls are so soiled with the weight of our daily small and big ill-deeds that it takes time to wash those off and soften our hearts so that we could see from the eye of the soul. I felt, guilty...that I might be from the latter group. 

However, leaving me aside, what I was totally impressed with were the arrangements at both Makkah and Madinah. From my childhood story books I had something very ancient in mind about this whole experience, e.g I had assumed that the walk between Safa and Marwa (the two symbolic hills in Makkah) would be open air, with rocky and sandy land beneath our feet and the scorching sun above our heads - you might say that was very naive and rather stupid of me; I should have at least done that much of research before going. Well to my benefit, I had mustered up a lot of will power to walk these hills in the conditions I had imagined but actually I found that these hill points were now indoors, air-conditioned and all floored with cool marble. Another beautiful technological advancement are the 'umbrellas' and 'sliding Domes' at the Masjid e Nabvi (In Madinah). So when the sun is out, these umbrellas open up wide to include the outer open air area of the mosque under a cool shade so people can pray outdoors as well. Towards sun set, these beautiful umbrellas collapse back. Similarly the beautifully painted, carved Domes that make the roof of the inner mosque are also movable and adjust according to the angle of the sun. 

Inside both the masjid e Nabvi and the Kaabah, you have air conditioned prayer places. There is an unlimited supply of 'zam zam' , the spring water that is meant to heal any disease or ailment, other than death. But the most amusing of all scenes is the 'cleaning mechanism' at the Kaaba. One, the cleanliness standards are out standing! Very frequent cleaning and very well done; but more interesting is the process. So the cleaning runs like a supply chain process; first a group of uniformed guys enclose an area with the red ribbon, then comes a little car carrying a drum of soapy water and a guy spills that water, then comes an army of men with wipers, wearing socks sliding and skating over the soapy water to spread it across (it almost seems like they are performing some kind of a choreographed exercise!), then the next row of 'men with mops' comes running mopping away every single inch 'squeaky clean'! It is surely a sight to watch! And this is all done bit by bit in every patch of this huge mosque, so that prayers are not disturbed yet all sections of the Kaaba are kept fresh and clean. 

Another noticable experience is the level of tolerance and diversity during and around the pilgrimage. People from all countries, cultures, languages - all gathered and almost greedy to get in first for every act of worship, yet patient, yet considerate of their other muslim brethren. Whenever someone would be praying in a rush area, others would voluntarily build a wall around him/her so that those rushing  in their way do not bump into or hop over the praying person. Yes there are places like the 'Haj re Aswad' (the stone from Heaven) where people would push and pull and knock you off to get in first, but even there I observed that most people were advising others not to hurt each other for a chance of worship, for such an act of worship would have no weight in the eyes of Allah. 

The reason I named this post 'perfect play of spirituality and vacation' is because, this actually was like a vacation - a vacation where you have limited activities to do so you actually rest enough too. We were there for ten days and all we did was eat, sleep, pray - eat, sleep, pray... and the element of praying was so fulfilling to the spirit that it was an enjoyable activity. 

BOL [Speak Up]

Bol (meaning 'speak up' in Urdu) is the name of the latest Pakistani movie by Shoaib Mansoor, and I've just returned from its premier show. Good Pakistani films come few and far in between but I can safely say that BOL is by far the best, also beating the last super hit and internationally acclaimed "Khuda ke leye" (also by Shoaib Mansoor). I think the movie has been released at a very good time when the nation is truly devastated and shattered in spirit and hope on account of the recent incidents of the PAF base and the Rangers killing. The movie reminds us of the good side to Pakistan: the talent that we have in Pakistan and the potential in our people. 

The movie is a movement in itself - movement of social and religious thought. Amazingly directed, the movie is a great insight into the lower middle class Pakistani culture and social stigmas prevailing at large. From the taboo'd gender (the third sex type), attitude towards birth of the female child, child abuse, chauvinism, prostitution, attitude of Pakistani politicians, to Shi'ite versus Sunni religious issues - the film beautifully portrays and confronts the evils in our minds and our culture. 

I was extremely impressed by the acting talent of Umaima, the main character of the film, playing the eldest of 6 sisters and the driver of positive change for her family, breaking the stereotypical barriers that women face in any developing country. The appearance of Atif Aslam and Mahira seemed to be more of a tool to add colour to the otherwise gloomy and reality based art film. 

The film was liberating and tear-touching. I walked out proud of the cinema knowing that this film was a product of Pakistan, and made by the people of Pakistan, not those who are brought up and trained abroad but those raised, educated and trained within Pakistan. I felt proud that creative heads like Shoaib Mansoor are using their talent to question the status quo, long due to be questioned. I felt proud that they confronted the issues shoved under the carpet and sealed behind silent helpless lips. BOL is an excellent example of how Pakistani films can do wonders if we look inwards towards our strengths and depict our own values and issues than trying to mimic the Bollywood dancing style. BOL is a movie with impact, without indecent  costumes or vulgar dances, yet the film has music and songs to it. 

While most films are just an expression of what state of matters is, BOL is not only that but also a depiction of what we 'could be' if only... we dared to 'speak up' [BOL]. 

The joy of relocation

A research study shows that 'moving homes' is listed among the top 5 most stressful experiences in life after divorce, financial stress, death and a couple more. For me however relocation has a different meaning, it is how I identify with my life and myself. Relocation has been part of my life as far back as I can remember - whether it was changing homes in the same city, or moving to another country. So in every couple of years, I start anticipating a move even if I haven't planned one! From packing up carton boxes, clearing out the mess unsorted in months, going home hunting and haggling with property agents to finally unpacking and organising the new home - all are experiences that I have somehow enjoyed immensely in life. Moving is probably my third best adrenaline after traveling and my skydive experience.  

Right now I have seven suitcases lined along my bedroom walls, ranging from empty, to semi, to fully packed. Its time for another move - Yes, I am now - after having lived in Islamabad, Lahore, Karachi, Abu Dhabi, Dubai, and London  (I'm sparing you of the different areas and number of home moves within those cities)  - moving to Toronto.

Every city and every new move has added to who I am as a person, and even more so to my 'effortless learning bank'. What you may learn by roaming about a few hours in a new city, no encyclopedia  and no travel guide can teach you. The insight you develop on people, cultures, diversity of thought, belief and customs cannot be gathered through reading notes on anthropology. Sometimes this insight can scare you - belittle you, make you realise how insignificant you are in this wide world. Sometimes it can shaken up your deepest belief systems. As they say - ignorance is bliss and too much irrelevant information may lead to confusion. So the job as an 'absorber' becomes quite difficult when it comes to deciphering all the input as we walk past so many systematic, cultural, institutional and behavourial changes. But I still find the benefits out weighing any draw backs of moving. 

I am now looking forward to my next move, this time with my companion (this being our first move as a married couple) and I'm more than positive that this move will be more enriching than all past relocations. :)