My Regards to the sweet "Jin Baba" in Heaven, Sabri

I was 4 years old when I first met Sabri Sahab (Father of Amjad Sabri) - he used to visit my Nana's house for the occasional qawwali sessions that my nana and his clan enjoyed very much.

The most vivid memories I have of him are his peculiar hair-locks hanging down his shoulders, and the way he lauded "Allaaaah" in his heavy, majestic voice during the Qawali.

I still remember how my innocent first impression of him as a child struck a humurous chord between us - I had addressed him as "Jin Baba...!" to his face one day as he entered through the main door at my Nana's house in Rawalpindi. I hear that he took it in gentle spirit.

For years later my Nana laughed about it as he narrated this incident.

I had almost lost touch with this memory until I heard about Amjad Sabri's recent death. I have not been an avid qawali listener but I have heard Amjad Sabri live in concert and like most other people I was mesmerized by his power to offer a state of nirvana through his sufi vocal chords.

I had no real connection with Amjad Sabri apart from this childhood memory of his dad -  but I felt sad to the core when I heard about his death. As I go through the various photographs of him and his children for the first time, I look at him as a regular dad and a huge loss for his young family. No child deserves being separated from their parent, especially in such brutal manner.

The Sabri family were the carriers of the Qawali legacy in Pakistan - and no one did it better. It was as if they were appointed by God for this task only. But Amjad Sabri's son is a couple of decades too young to take on the family torch. The more important question is -will he ever be able to, after experiencing what just happened to his father. Will the terrified widow, and single mother not keep her children as far as possible from the family profession and media watch? We can't say.

Famous people have died in the past - even murdered, but there was definitely something about Amjad Sabri that his death was so deeply felt by the entire nation.

RIP Amjad Sabri. Please pay my regards to your Father. Please convey my apology for the inappropriate name I gave him in my childhood innocence.

The blood in our veins continues to whirl like a darvesh as we hear the signature "Tajdar-e-Haram".

Impromptu verses dedicated to the Sabri Father & Son:

"Tere chahne waley kitney they dunya mei, tu na kar uski fikr
Tu hai jis Rasool (SAW) ka aashiq - tu bus kar uska zikr
Shahdat ne teri khol deye wo sab darwazey jin per...
Salon se dastak de rahi thi teri awaaaz sham-o-seher"

Why use Logic to Answer a child's "WHY"

As busy parents time is never on our side. More than often you're tempted to shoot down the "Whys", "Whats" and "Hows" in the shortest possible manner. The "Whys" are the hardest to deal with which is the why we parents try to either make up believable (read: fairy tale) stories or we simply shut them up with our favourite ones like "Because I said so"!

My 3 yr old has suddenly shifted to a lot of "WHYs" in her daily conversation with me. Last night she wanted some butter and bread. Her idea of it was that she does it ALL by herself end to end from spreading it to eating it. Well, obviously I wasn't going to hand over a knife to her so I told her that she can't spread it by herself. Upfront came the much expected "but WHY mama???" and I thought for a split second about the possible answers I could give her... "because you can't", "because you're a kid", "because we are late for bedtime?"  But I ended up using a more realistic and logical one instead. I told her "You can't use a knife because its too dangerous. Knives are sharp and they can hurt you" (yea I know it was a butter knife, but they have teeth too!) 

My daughter reflected "Oooh..it's dangerous? hmm...." there was a silence of about 2 seconds and then she spoke up ecstatically: "Mama! Give me that plastic knife you got from the plane, that's not dangerous! It's not sharp!" The excitement in her eyes was to die for! She was so excited to have drawn the comparison and I was even more excited that she thought it through. So I gave her the harmless plastic knife; she not only applied butter neatly all by herself but also bit on every inch with accomplishment!

Moral of the story: By telling my daughter the logical reason behind not allowing her to use a knife, I discovered how intelligent a 3 yr old can be and how well they can reason back with you. This conversation lead her to believe that with reason she can win over people more powerful than her, and she gained the confidence of accomplishing something new! 

To top it all I just became a "Prouder Mom!"

Also found an interesting article on this topic that helps understand  WHY Kids ask "WHY". Check out this link: http://www.drgreene.com/qa-articles/why-children-ask-why/

My 2-Cents for HAMZA ALI ABBASSI

Dear Hamza, 

You're a great actor and model. And it seems from your posts that with all that beauty you've got some brains too. 

But there are just a couple of things I would like to give you feedback on as a sincere audience to your social media activism: 

1. If acting is your #1 priority in life, then please don't over engage yourself with strong views and opinions about politicians and distant social issues (like those taking place in the US).  When an ordinary person makes an opinion, people read it and move on but when Hamza Ali Abbassi shouts on his FB status, people don't only judge him, they remember and they form a long lasting opinion about him. Doesn't help if you're looking to continue your acting career!

2. If becoming a politician or social activist is more important to you than your acting career - then please work on your social media communication. Please don't over express with long paragraphs as they make you seem out of control, over emotional, vulnerable and fanatic. People don't want to follow an unstable leader. Use few and impactful words. Better yet, take your activism on twitter. It will control you with its 150 characters limit :) 

3. Stop justifying yourself before your fans. Fans come in all shapes and sizes. Some are intellectual and others are dumb. Some will follow you blindly and others will criticize you for the heck of it. When you make an effort to over-justify every status you have put on a controversial issue, you seem guilty and you turn off your stronger, more intelligent fan base. 

You may take it or leave it, but it's advice worth pondering on ;) 

"Golden Rules" from my Grandfather

The first time I heard my grandfather talk about Rule # 13 was when I was 10. He was talking to some guests at our place and emphasizing on the lack of professionalism people tend to have in work-places in Pakistan, especially when it comes to following up and reverting back on a job assigned. 

I think the seed was sowed then, which is why from the day that I started working, my email turn-around-time is about 2 mins. Even if I don't know the answer to what is asked of me, I still write back and let the person on the other end know that I have "heard" them and I will get back to them. 

It would be a great loss to the community if I don't pass on all of the 15 Golden Rules of a  successful Work-Place (which by the way very well apply at home too!), that I have inherited from my Grandfather. He himself is still known very well for his professionalism and discipline. 

So, taking it from the top: 

RULE #1 : If you open something, close it. 

RULE #2: If you unlock something, lock it. 

RULE # 3: If you break something, fix it.) 

RULE # 4: If you can't fix it, find somebody who can. 

RULE # 5: If you borrow it, return it.

RULE # 6: If you use it, take care of it. 

RULE # 7: If you make a mess, clean it up.     (My 3 yr old is already trained on this now) 

RULE # 8: If you move it, put it back.

RULE # 9: If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, ask permission.

RULE # 10: If it doesn't concern you, mind your own business (Shout to All Pakistani Ladies!) 

RULE # 11: If a problem needs solving, don't fight it, solve it. 

RULE # 12: If you can improve something, do it 

RULE # 13: If asked to do something, always revert back in good time. It does not matter if the job has been "done" or "not done".  (My professional Mantra!) 

RULE #14: Don't leave unnecessary things around your work area.

RULE #15: Keep the atmosphere in the work area fresh. 

These rules were actually circulated at my grand fathers work place by him, when he was an engineer at the Attock Oil Company in Rawalpindi. 

These are universal best practices that were written perhaps 3 decades ago, but are as valid to any work place or home environment even today and for years to come. 

P.S : the comments in the brackets are the granddaughter's comments are not part of the original 15 commandments from the Grandfather. And yes, that is my grandfather from his recent book launch ceremony  :) 

Theme Birthdays Made Easy!

My daughter just turned three. About 4 weeks before her actual birth date I had already started thinking about how I would celebrate her 3rd. Her first 2 were perfectly themed and easily managed in a small family group but this time around I could sense that she would want to have some daycare buddies over. 

I am personally not a huge fan of princess-y stuff and princess (read: Frozen) birthday themes where every other party just competes in size, dress and lavishness. To me theme birthdays are important not because they make you seem in fashion, because they make fun memories and wonderful photograph albums and if they are actually based on what your child is 'into' at the time, then it makes them happy! 

So here are a few tips for those busy, practical moms who want to celebrate theme birthdays but not end up spending a fortune on them: 

1. Bumble Bee Theme 

This turns out to be a really cute theme. Here are some simple ideas for execution: 

i) Goody Bags: Get plain yellow bags and paste black paper stripes (or the reverse if  you find black bags)

ii) Table Setting: Use black and yellow crape paper as a table cloth. Alternatively a black or yellow piece of cloth would do. Try to keep the cloth under neath the cake in the opposite shade as the cake itself. 

iii) Get a themed cake done OR get a simple yellow cake and stick-out some honey bee accessories on it.

iv) Back Drop: Use black and yellow broad ribbons as drapes in the background

v) Balloons : Yellow and Black Balloons or Yellow Balloons Covered with Black Ribbon Stripes 

vi) Plates: Get plain yellow or black paper plates and stick a cut out of a print-out (easily available on the internet) of a bumble bee. Otherwise, strip the plates as well. Do the same for cups. 

 

2. Lady Bird Theme

Do almost the same as above just change color combo to Black and Red and the stripes to Polka dots. 

The same theme could also work as a "Minnie Mouse" theme if you throw in some Minnie mouse cut outs, 

You could cut out large circles from black chart paper and paste onto red paper plates to make Minnie Mouse ears sticking out of plates.

3. Twinkle Star Theme

1. Goody Bags: Using plain blue bags and Silvery paper cut out in star shape with glittery effect to embellish your bags.

2. Table Cloth: Dark Blue Coloured Cloth or Crape Paper. Sprinkle confetti stars or glitter 

3. Plates: Same method, stick some silver star cut outs on plain dark blue plates. (Tip: Use the Foil in your kitchen drawer if you can't find a good quality glazed silver paper). You can do the same for cups. 

4. Back Drop: Cut out some big and small stars and a moon , and hang them with strings in the back-drop

5. Props: If it's your daughter's birthday, she could end up holding a star magic wand easily found in toy stores. Star shaped clips would add to the cuteness. 

So the above are 3 really simple themes and maybe you can draw some more along the same format. What's great about these not so fashionable themes that your party will give a more home-made and DIY feel which is always more charming :) 

Does 'Font' Impact your Brand Perception?

This is something I've been thinking about even before I became a brand person. As a consumer I used to look at some brand names and find them fresh and to date, and while others looked dull. It wasn't their 'logo' itself, it was more the 'handwriting or font' style and the colours that they played with. Just like fashion dictates 'whats in, whats out' in colours every season, the branding industry too goes through style, colour and tone changes every years. When we were young, hard styled, official looking, formal fonts were in - it meant your brand was serious about their work, about their mission. Later in the early 2000s, as new and more casual online typography became prevalent and as our consumer/customer base and target audience eased out and relaxed a bit in their own personal style, they also started expecting brands serving them to emulate that style to resonate with the audience better. Which is perhaps why some the brand logos like Acer....underwent font and style changes to depict an entirely different image of themselves, an image that would be more appealing and fresh for the consumers.

For the same reason the font style of Vaseline' hasn't remained the same over the years, ven though it's been a brand that has had one of the strongest loyalties based on product performance alone, Vaseline has strengthened its bond with it audience by innovating their look, as the look and the eyes of their consumers evolved. 

So I've been wondering how FONT really impacts the perception consumers have of your brand. Last week I watched 'JOBS', the movie on the life of the revolutionary 'Steve Jobs'. I was surprised to see a scene enacted where they showed how Jobs immediately fired one of his most talented and able engineers because the guy said that 'font types' were not a need of the computer users. This particular engineer mocked at Jobs question 'So where do I change font'...his response to this was, 'This isn't really a pressing need'. This scene was set at the launch of the first Macintosh computer in 1984. Back then no one knew that soon enough in the late 90's font size and style would become such a sensitive issue of preference for both businesses and at-home users. I've worked with some of the big corporations and I have gone through the agony of actually ensuring each heading, sub-heading and text are of a certain size and style, as per the instructions of the higher management. All big companies have standard power point templates (with specific font style, font colour and font size) that reflect the culture of the organisation, work personality of the management and the persona of their brands. For example, pick up anything on Coke, an external communication or an internal document, it must have Red header and a red font in it. Pick up Dove and all documents would be a certain tone of Navy Blue. Somewhere in his head, Jobs predicted a behavior that was revealed 20 years later. This is the quality of a true innovator, who understand what the consumers need before the consumers themselves realize it. 

However back to our 'font in the lives of brands' discussion - I am a firm believer that font really does matter and not only does it make a particular brand stand apart from its peers but also communicates a certain feeling to its consumers. Moreover, I think sometimes font follows cultural development of the users i.e. as attitudes, behaviours, social norms change so do fonts - so that the brands stay upto speed with the psychic trends of their consumers. 

Buy Now, Decide Later...

It's funny how shopper behaviour changes based on the shopping experience offerred by a retailer/producer. Although it seems it's always the retailers/producers trying to customize the experience to the shoppers' needs; but shopper experience and behaviour actually run in a spiral, one impacting the other turn by turn until the dynamics of the shopping industry are changed. During my time in North America, I was simply amused and flattered by the return policies. 'Buy Now, Decide Later' is the tempting offer by H&M where often the wait lines outside changing rooms are extremely long. 

Ikea flaunts its loving arms with 'It's OK to change your mind' policy of 90 days. Many clearance outlets including GAP factory outlet and Banana Republic Factory Outlet also give up to 90 days to return merchandise. 

I am the kind of shopper who hates changing or trying out new clothes in the change room, specially when it comes to pants! I'm always in a rush with my baby and especially lazy to try on clothes in winters when you're layered up too much or wearing those unfriendly boots that make it difficult to change over and over again so for me the generous return and exchange policies are simply a treat. But I often wonder if shoppers take advantage of this and if merchandisers end up wasting too many man-hours in just beeping down reverse sales. 

Well according to a research many shoppers DO take undue disadvantage of this. Overall retailers estimate that 4.6 percent of holiday returns are fraudulent. However I think most shoppers (including myself) are too lazy to go back for returns and exchanges and end up keeping what they had bought either for themselves or as a gift to someone else, which is why such a policy does not appear to harm H&M. And I do admit that such cozy policies can turn you into a bit of shopaholic!

On a recent trip to Pakistan I got jugs from a small crockery shop in Karachi and when I came home and poured water out of those jugs into glass, it seemed like they had a serious manufacturing issue! No matter how many different ways I tried it, with however less or more water I  tried it, the spillage was inevitable  So at the dinner table I conveniently announced that I was going to take the jugs back to the shop for an exchange or refund at which my brother-in-law quickly mocked at me saying 'This isn't Canada'..., where you can go exchange jugs or whatever else after having an unsatisfactory experience. I stood corrected and never ventured out to actually change the jugs. 

To my pleasant surprise though I've recently been noticing that at least the bigger retailers in Pakistan are showing some flexibility when it comes to exchanges; if not so much for refunds yet. For example Khaadi has a 30 day exchange policy but nothing can be refunded. However international retailers are better at this, e.g MotherCare (Pakistan) has a 14 day exchange or refund policy for most items. I believe as more and more international brands enter the Pakistani market with their generous shopper flattering policies, the more the top tier local brands would be forced to shed some love too - and the lower tiers should follow suit! 

And even where there's no clear policy it's always worth going back trying to return / exchange an item that you honestly consider a shopping mistake - sometimes you would be surprised how lenient that guy at the till can be! Happy shopping and hopefully lesser returning ;) 

Has motherhood become harder?

Ever since I've become a mom, I've been overcritical of myself in this role. And the more I compare our mothers (the generation born in the 60s or so), with mothers of my age (80's I'd say) I've felt a stark difference in the style of mothering. While on some levels mothers of today are more aware and conscious of whats 'natural is best' for my baby and preferring things like mothers milk over formula, home cooked over jarred - on the other hand we are pressed for time and even more pressed for patience and energy. As younger generations have fled into the workforce, married later and delayed motherhood to a biological age where our energies and health only allow us to do so much for our kids, we are losing out on quality face time with our children. Mothers of previous generations had a lot more patience when it came to disciplining, nurturing, developing and even playing with their kids whereas today we mothers resort to hi-tech baby-sitters like Ipads, computers, battery operated interactive toys etc. But we are forgetting that as mothers are evolving so is the baby generation. Babies are no longer as easily distracted as they used to be, they get bored with one toy much quicker than babies did yesterday and they are definitely more intelligent and receptive creatures today. So here's what I understand mother's of today need to build their motherhood around, to ensure that we do not fall trap to newer challenges while learning from wisdom of the older generation babies: 

1. Mothers today have less patience and energy and toddlers/kids require even more of that today. Kids no longer spend afternoons playing 'ghar ghar' (home-home, the simple act of making homes out of cushions with siblings); they are erratic, distracted, and fireballs of energy looking for some quality entertainment. Neither do our kids today have siblings 12-18 months apart to play with (since our patience and health both force us to keep a good gap between kids and we might not even think of more than 2 kids). So the answer to this is mother support groups. Mothers need mothers to motivate themselves and children need similar age grouped children to play with (even when they are 6 months old). So shun those barriers, get together for mommy-baby play dates. Shrug off your apprehensions, those towering expectations your mom and MIL (mom in law) have from you in terms of motherhood while you talk them to out with mothers in the same game ball as yourself. So if you don't have enough of a social circle of mommies around you, you can find one at Gymboree in Lahore, and at Weldonmoms in Karachi. 

2. Have something interesting and fun to do on the side. Many moms drop out of workforce or higher education pursuits as pregnancy comes their way. Its OK to take that break but get back on track as soon as you feel sane. If you feel a full time job won't let you do justice to the kind of motherhood you expect from yourself then do something part - time a that interests you. That could be as simple as attending a workshop from time to time (in Pakistan you have abundant baby sitting support, in other places it is still worth spending those seemingly heavy bucks on professional baby-sitting to give yourself a break). Staying intellectually, physically or spiritually stimulated it extremely important whether it means finishing that book, being a regular at the yoga class or taking a Reiki healing session. I've noticed every time I come back from yoga class, I feel a little extra love for my baby. I feel like wanting to hold my baby once again after that break, instead of begging others to take her off my arms after spending the entire day with her. You can find interesting activities (including arts, culture, sports) at these places: The Knowledge Factory in Lahore, T2F in Karachi, Kuch Khaas or Minerva in Islamabad.

3. Have at least two 30 min uninterrupted sessions of quality time with your baby everyday (in addition to the bathing, feeding times). Use this time to bond with your kid, reassure your baby that you're mentally there for them. This means, no TV, no cellphones, Ipad or anything of that family. Just you, a quiet and cosy corner , some toys maybe or just cuddling. I've been spending some nice relaxing afternoons with my 12 month old and I feel she loves having that dedicated time, she responds back with giggles and tries to poke in my face naughtily, and we even do rolly-polly on the bed and laugh over silly little actions. Here are some ideas of what kinds of play you can do with your little one

That's my jist from the 1 year of motherhood I've had so far. Add your experiences to the list and let me know how you feel about motherhood ? 

P.S: Yes that's my little one gazing into the horizon (at 6 mos) 

My love-hate relationship with domestic help

I have recently moved back to Pakistan and am actually running a household of my own for the first time in the Pakistani set up; previously lived in London, Dubai and Canada and the home setups were pretty similar in all three places where you have a dishwasher, you do your laundry in the washer and dryer yourself and you vacuum and broom alternate days and its enough for that tiny apartment you live in. Coming back to Pakistan, especially as a mom of a 1 year old I was pretty excited and looking forward to the domestic help readily available at fairly affordable wages. I imagined that I would run my home like I managed my work in the office; I'd have a timetable for the maid, and have responsibilities divided into days and a certain level of expectations set from day one. I had it all sorted out in my head; I wont shout at them like I'd seen my elders do, I'd be polite , treat them nicely, yet firmly - make sure they are clear of my instructions and expectations and that should do the trick to managing the perfect home in Pakistan. I even decided that instead of having 3 or 4 different maids for different tasks, I'd just keep 1 (for a household of 2 people and an infant that should be good), and make sure she's always at my disposal and well trained. Also having only 1 maid means, no politics between servants which is quite prevalent as I hear from my close friends and family. But like they say, 'easier said than done'. I started looking for help; they came, they went within a day or two. Some lasted a week. Reasons for leaving were unknown; weird stories reached me through our chowkidar who gave me a rather masala version of why the particular lady had decided to abandon me. I was shocked to hear the kind of excuses for leaving and accusations against me, including 'baji doesn't give us food!' (not true), 'baji keeps a lock on the fridge (which I hadn't done yet, but yes I used to keep an eye on my fridge very closely), 'baji doesn't give eidee (despite having given them eid clothes)..and so on. In my head it was straight - I pay you wages, you work for me. No extra gifts, or extra pocket money. Whatever I give you for emergency reasons, comes out of your pay. Yes in extreme circumstances there could be a case for additional add on charitable pay or bonus but at least work for me for more than a month or two to deserve even that kind of help. Also, in my head, if you're a christian maid, I don't give you eidee on Eid, I give you gift money or clothes on your Christmas (makes sense No? )

On one hand the help does feel amazing when I don't have to dehydrate my eczemic fingers in hand dish washing; I no longer need to wash bathrooms like I did earlier. I don't have to do all the boring pre-work , chopping for cooking. I get it all done for me and I can just work on the taste and final touches of the food. Sounds amazing...yet since I'm new to this domestic help system, almost any day that my maid decided to take a day off without telling me, I felt a bit of relief (along with the obvious frustration at first); a relief that today I was on my own, my kitchen was mine, a sense of privacy and ability to delay some tasks if I wished to, there's  no one I need to train or mind today, nothing to worry about those rings I left in the bathroom, or about my purse lying in the lounge while I went to the bathroom, no one creeping behind my back and watching tv with me, no one eves dropping conveniently into my skype sessions or phone calls and then at times also referring to those conversations and giving free suggestions (which in my case are never welcome! In my world, you're domestic help, you do your work and stay out of my personal phone calls). I am especially irritated by my driver, who is slightly sluggish when it comes to his real job i.e directions, finding addresses, remembering important landmarks and a bit too over efficient in making small talk which is useless for example when I sit in the car he would go 'Baji I heard you on the phone talking about medicines, are you ok?', or 'Baji how is your daughter today', or 'Baji I hope you haven't forgotten your phone upstairs' - I mean, for Godsake, are you my driver or my personal assistant? Keep your eyes and ears on the road and not on my life! I try to give him the shortest possible 'yes/no' answers and sometimes I rudely stay quiet to give him the hint that his stupid questions are not welcome. Soooo, I do admit that I myself am part of the problem here; domestic help might just seem very normal acting like this to all my other locally based family and friends but to me it is new and its funny how I respond to some of their natural flairs and how I take offense from some the seemingly very much expected behaviour on their side. 

This evening I was told by my chowkidar that the baby sitter who used to come play with my toddler baby girl will probably not come (because she didn't think I gave her good enough eid clothes). To her it did not matter I suppose that she and I had already decided that she would be going to school starting this September and work for me only in afternoons and weekends on the full day wages . Perhaps it wasn't even the girl, perhaps it was her mother who got scared of the thought of school and decided to put her to work elsewhere where she could earn a 1000 a month more even if she didn't go to school. It's sad - I feel sad. I am unable to understand their psyche, and even if I do I'm not sure I can counsel them to think differently. It might be possible, but I'd probably have to become more well versed with the culture and dynamics of the domestic working class for that. God bless me and them! 

Consumerism broken down & explained like never before!

This is by far the best explanation of consumerism and its impact on the global village I have ever come across. It is explained with great insight into history, politics, and economic and environmental impact. It gives detailed yet simple answers to many of the wonder whys that have sprung in at least my mind over the years. 

I loved the idea of 'perceived obsolescence' the most. Isn't it the look and feel of our phones, kitchen wear, computers, hand bags, and eye shades that makes us feel out-dated and old fashioned and drives us go shopping every couple of months to satisfy ourselves? One of my favourite sayings is: 'I shopped all my life and yet have nothing to wear'! 

I was surprised to learn that it was in the 1950's the national happiness peaked in the US, a time when women stayed at home, when there were hardly any fast food chains, fewer short cuts to everyday chores, fewer avenues for instant gratification and entertainment, fewer channels on TV and no internet or the "I-phamily" (ipods, iphones etc.) what so ever? A time when US was more like the developing countries today? A time when people had time! 

I love this video for its simplicity and pictorial digestion. If you're a pictorial person like most others, you will feel as you go through the 22 minutes how well you've digested all the numbers, facts and connections because they were graphs, charts and flow charts to go with the  entire verbal presentation. 

Next time I go shopping for something I 'want' and don't really 'need', this whole cycle of consumerism will play in my head and I hope it will make me shop sensibly (buy less, and buy fair trade options where available) and use and reuse until there really is nothing much left of my stuff! 

Following the fashion is out-dated. Brag your old stuff lasting you over the years! Brag your own style. Find a way to stop this cycle of consumerism within your lifestyle and the small circle of influence around you. 

Chacha valentine!

Many stories have been shared about the origins of valentines day to justify it, or to defame it, to further sugar-coat it or to 'de-myth' it. In the west, where this day originates, lives are busier, more detached, independent - people tend to live in their cocoons through out the year, barring a few days like Valentines when they halt their mechanical lives and spend a breath or few to pay due attention to partners, parents, loved ones etc. Days like mothers day, fathers day, family day make a lot more sense in this format of life where you need to 'stop' to spend time with those around you. And this is so because either children have moved out to be on their own, or because the parents are by themselves near the country side, a different town or an old age home.

But what does a day like Valentines mean to a developing and struggling country like Pakistan? For one, the nation has a divided stance on this topic; as you can see in the picture above, the anti-valentines day campaign by tanzeem and the response to that by Peaceniche, the NGO behind T2F. In a country where the nation faces an extreme divide in terms of  wealth, mindset, education and standard of living - valentines day comes as an added deterrent to unity and harmony. The quite opposite of Love! The billboard and poster here show the lack of harmony in our society. Gradually this seemingly harmless freedom of thought is becoming a larger and more damaging civil war. It's ironic that on this supposed the day of love, we are arguing about the celebration of love. This is because in countries like Pakistan, values of culture, religion, tradition supersede these recently adopted trends and new trends will always be bench-marked or evaluated against the list above.

My stance here isn't 'No to Valentines', neither is it pro-Valentines. What I despise about this corporate-mandated day of Louve! (call me sarcastic) is this 'compulsion' to express love. Not just express but publicly display our love. I know I have a choice not to celebrate this day but Do I, Really? Because while I'm sitting here all chilled writing this post, most of my other friends are making plans of surprising their loved ones and expecting even bigger ones in return. Once they are done, the results of these will proudly be displayed on facebook and then post V-day, there will be phone calls and messages between girl friends flaunting their day, the diamond rings, the bunches of flowers, the dinners and the places they went to celebrate d-day. And I too shall be asked, 'So how did you celebrate valentines day?'. That's when I'm pushed out of my comfort zone to question: is valentines day really a true measure of how much your family, husband, partner loves you? I think its a pretty bad yard-stick to measure or judge love against. Moreover, the majority of our country (barring 1% of the elite, who drive the culture of lavish parties on v-day) cannot afford wasteful expenditure on gifts, cards, flowers or jewels all of which are double the price on this day, but they are somewhat pressurized to do so, because it is gradually becoming the 'in thing to do'. So just like our mehendis and weddings catch-up with the extravagant trends of  society, so will our attitude on valentines day unless we consciously try not to get carried away.

Even worse, valentines day has now been positioned as the day to 'pop the question'. It has sadly been established that if a girl is not proposed to on the 14th of Feb, she will have to wait the entire year to be proposed. According to a survey, 53% females in the US would end a relationship if they were not given a gift on Valentines day (rising expectations?)  and 14% would send themselves flowers on valentines day (talk about self-esteem). It is more sad to see the number of heart broken on valentines day than is amusing to see the public display of love-birds. Just recently a friend called me frantically asking what she should do on this valentines for her boy-friend, and shared her anxiousness on how if he didn't propose this time, he probably never would. Proposals aren't timed against public days, there are timed against personal situations, feelings, commitments, confidence, the ability to support a family and support from parents and family (specially in our Pakistani context).

At the end of the day, like anything else commercially driven, it becomes a rat-race, nothing personal, losing its charm. I'm not against celebrating a day of love with your loved ones. But let that day be special, unique, uncommon with the rest of the world, shared between the two people who care about each other, rather than the whole world. If Chacha (St.) Valentine did ever exist, he would have liked to keep it simple too.

It's love, so let it be personal.

With Love!
- [Not] your valentine

You're doing OK...Mom

Came across this tear touching video by Johnsons & Johnsons Co. I usually view such branded ads cynically; having worked for brands I know the motivation behind such TVCs and teasers is mainly increased recall and loyalty via emotional branding. But at the end of the day, I am a consumer too and I did shed a tear or two watching this video. I actually felt like I needed this one tonight as I wrapped up the day at 2:00 am not feeling too great after the difficult 'putting my baby to sleep' session and returning to the long scribble that remains unticked-off on my 'to do' list. 

It's true that just a little 'thank you' , a word or two of appreciation can sometimes make the most difficult job in the world...just a little bit easier. Thank You J&J, for making my night. 

From Brand Management to Baby Management....

Ahh, finally - my draft becomes a post. I have many times in the past few months attempted to return to blogging, but as the title may hint, I was going through something more overwhelming than overcoming a writers block. Yes - I said hello to motherhood. Motherhood in one word , mmm, lets say two words , "beautifully overwhelming"

Before 8th June 2012, I worked on brands, made activation and media plans, followed up with my agency, approved creatives, ran research results and business reviews and thought how sexy and challenging my day job is. In the evenings I rushed home to prepare dinner before my husband arrives, then efficiently cleaned up after dinner, we both watched tv till 11pm or so, and off to bed we were all set for a repeat cycle of the above. I thought life was so perfectly management - i was a super woman...I WAS.

Then our little baby girl happened, an in a span of one week I had shifted from brand management to baby management. Overwhelming - more difficult than any job I had done, even more complex than Investment Banking and Derivatives that played in once upon a time. 

I suddenly realised I could no longer claim to be super-woman, my home was no longer always clean , and tidy. I was no longer clean and bathed, not even fed some days. My baby was the only thing I could barely manage that too not without my husband's support. Those were the first few weeks though.Things get a lot better after 3 months (for all those pregnant ladies who are scared reading this so far). You can start blogging after 3 months at least :) 

But one thing we never gave up on was fun - we decided we wouldn't let our baby become an excuse for being stuck at home, so at 3 weeks we took her for an 8hr (with diaper changing stops) road trip to montreal. It was lovely - i was barely out of c-section blues but the trip made me cheer for myself a bit. 

I found managing the baby in a trip to be easier than at home, because there's no home stuff to do, like cleaning/ cooking etc, plus babies sleep longer in the car so feeding intervals became slightly more comfortable. 

I think this is a good enough come back - I shall resume with the many other half written drafts (some on my blogger site, others in my mind while I change diapers) in the next few days :) 

ciao! 

SeekersGuidance - Raising Children with Deen and Dunya - Blog

SeekersGuidance - Raising Children with Deen and Dunya - Blog

Brand Pakistan: Pakistani Female Wins First Oscar for the Country

Its all over the news, international media and local Pakistani media...and everyone is talking about it, its a reason for Pakistanis to raise their necks and feel proud that their country midst all the negativity from the international media over the years is able to breakthrough and project sparks that make the international audience wonder if they have been wrong about Pakistan all this time. Sharmeen Obaid Chinoy, the director of "Saving Face" won the first Oscar Award for Pakistan this year and proved that Pakistanis can battle their way through all odds to make it big and make a difference! She is a true representative of the Pakistani nation - the nation that is talented, hard working, kicking for change - they only need to be heard and seen on platforms like these...many are under the cover, working behind scenes like Sharmeen but their voice is not being heard midst the noise of 'stereotypical statements' of the western media...surely Oscar is also a western platform and deserves recognition for unearthing talent from across the world irrespective of race, ethnicity and nationalism. This is yet another example and plea to the audience of the world at large to steer away from the stereotypical image of Pakistan and make an effort to see the reality on ground through mediums other than the 'biased news channels'.

Note that this too, like many other success stories coming out of Pakistan, is the story of a female's victory (and what does the media tell you about [suppressed?] Pakistani women...?

Psychology Facts: Workaholism

Psychology Facts: Workaholism

The "WHY" theory of Inspiration...great talk by Simon Sinek

This is a great and simple insight into WHY some companies make it big and others don't despite all rational reasons that may direct us to believing that they are equally good, functionally speaking. It is the story behind great brands, great marketing and greater understanding of human motivation...see the video and enjoy it explain itself.

Toronto Diaries: Beat the Winter Blues!

Yes, Canadian winters are harsh and so are winters in many other parts of the world. So when I was moving to Toronto earlier this year, many people warned me about the freezing cold minus temperatures I would be experiencing this year. Having lived in London, I had an idea of how depressing winters can get and I was dreading the season in anticipation. But you've gotta keep going, whatever the weather. So here are a few tips to keep yourself active and out of winter depression:

1. Ice Skating: With the amazing winter gear you get here in Canada (Down Jackets, face covering woollies, gloves and snow boots) you don't have too much of an excuse for staying indoors. While you might not like getting out everyday, 1-2 times a week is very much doable. At the onset of winter, ice rinks become active around all neighbourhoods, some indoors while others outdoors, so its a great outlet and exercise to beat that winter muffin and coffee fat with ice skating at least once a week. Ice skates are quite inexpensive to get starting at about $30. Or you could just rent them at the rink if you like. 

2. Warm up and Host: Yes, all those summers you've been busy with outdoor activities, lazing around on beaches or perhaps been out of the country - so no one minds that you've been out of touch with some of your local friends but its time to get back in touch again. Winters are an excellent time to starting hosting some dinner / tea parties at your place. Sitting by the fireplace with a warm coffee, chit chatting away with a group of friends is an ideal activity for when outdoors just doesn't seem fun at all! While most people have already done that around christmas and new years parties - winters are long and cold enough to continue the trend even after the holiday season. 

3. Indoor Shopping Malls: Another escape from boredom is your nearest shopping mall. Not only can you do most of your shopping without having to go to the cold parking lot every now and again, but it also gives you a good opportunity to walk your legs. (some of the bigger malls are quite a walk, and sometimes people visit malls just for a walk!)

4. Read: Have you been putting off that book you were reading because summer outdoor activities were just so much more attractive? Well now is the time to catch up on your reading while you sip your hot tea or coffee, snuggled in the cozy blanket. (Or blog like me :-) - it's great way to stay busy if you're more a of a writer than a reader)

5. Visit Museums: Another indoor activity for your winter weekends. ROM (Royal Ontario Museum) in downtown Toronto is on my winter to-do list. I have been going to downtown all summer but getting into a museum on a bright sunny afternoon for 3 hours just always lost its chance against cycling around or walking by the high street. 

6. Join a class/ Watch a Performance: Art, craft, baking and other interesting classes run all the year round at different community centers. Perhaps now is the time to take up a class in a warm indoor classroom environment. Check out Living Arts for not just courses but also other events and theatrical performances taking place during the winters. 

7. Ski: If you're more adventurous for the list above, skiing is definitely one of the best activities during winters. Two great locations to skii are: Blue Mountains Ski Resort & Kelso Conservation Area. I'm sure there are many more near your area but these are two I have personally been to and loved!

Cheer up! Happy Winters!!! 

Haute Hijab: for Hijabis with style

If you cover your head and live in the west - you will surely relate to at least one of these problems:

1. Most of your favourite brands of western clothes don't have the desirable length of shirts, or shape of neck or length of sleeves or thickness of material that you would consider appropriate to go with your head covering or scarf. You don't want to end up looking like a cartoon that cares about covering the hair but is showing off curves or skin in other places. 

2. A lot of times you have to buy two to three layers of shirts separately to make the outfit look decent enough, but matching colours and materials is a big hassle! When you look at fashion mags for latest trends, hardly a style is applicable to you because of your head covering. 

3. When you're looking for office wear you struggle to find professional ankle length skirts or jackets that cover enough. You are constantly fighting for the perfect combination of looking professional and not looking overly dressed and layered. 

Well, someone out there realised that many of us share this problem and decided to tackle this niche in the female apparel market. Haute Hijab, an entreprenurial venture of a young hijabi living out of Chicago, offers elegant and stylish designs that solve all the problems stated above. The owner being a Hijabi herself understands each and every detail and nuance of mixing western wear with scarfs and head coverings and offers her design expertise that can dress you in style without having to compromise on your dressing standards.

Who says hijabi's can't look stylish? Modesty is one thing, wrapping up yourself to look odd and out of place is another. Haute Hijab is for females who would like to strike a fine balance between style and 'covering more'. Even those who don't necessarily cover their head but are looking to wear something more covering for their body would fancy designs at Haute Hijab. 

So if you've been struggling with pulling your shirts down to make them look longer, and sulking over why that trouser had to be so damn tight and why your scarf doesn't always match your dress - Haute Hijab is here to the rescue! Check Haute Hijab out for yourselves and be delighted! 

BLISS: Education, Entrepreneurship and Empowerment for Young Girls

As a matter of fact, most young girls in the rural areas of Pakistan drop out of school before or by grade 5. That is only, IF they get a chance to go to school. While having no money to pay the school fee is more than often the reason why girls drop out of school, even free education becomes almost impossible to attain when families depend on their girls to earn during the day time so that they may share a meager meal before going to bed. BLISS (Business and Life Skills School) has come to the rescue to at least one such rural area, Attock, a small town in northern Punjab, province of Pakistan.

BLISS is unique in their approach and model. It is a model that allows young girls to use their talent to earn money and study under the same roof, so that they don't have to make a choice between the two. This solution is actually customised to the core reason why girls were dropping out of schools in Attock. In Attock, young girls are bread earners for their families and the only source of income for most girls is carpet weaving, a highly labor intensive job that pays very little for the amount of effort and time it demands. Girls are usually working 12-14 hours a day and one carpet can take up to a month to complete. Even then, the money they earn is not always enough to support their families. With 12-14 hour long work days, there is absolutely no hope and time for education. BLISS instead diverted these talented hands onto making something that takes fewer hours and earns a lot more money than carpet weaving. These are beautiful embroidered designer hand bags. Girls can spend 1/3 the time and earn higher wages by selling these bags into the cities in Pakistan and also in the international market.

A lot has been said and applauded about BLISS in the media over the past one year but I believe no amount of words and recognition are enough to support a cause like this midst the sea of social, non-profit causes where it becomes almost impossible to decide who is the most deserving of your donation. Saba Gul, the founder and director of BLISS is an inspirational youth figure who has put in her mind, skill and time into devising this scalable, sustainable, social entrepreneurial model for girls across rural areas in Pakistan. BLISS is different from other NGOs that only provide funds for school fee, or provide free education - where it is difficult to track whether the money was ever spent on education or on other needs of the family, or to monitor attendance of each and every student in the rural school. With BLISS, the parents are encouraged and almost forced to send their girls to school where they learn how to make these designer hang bags, which are then sold to provide for the family. Sending girls to school is a source of income for the parents and a source of education for the girls where in addition to 'bag making' they also study the regular school curriculum.

After going through the achievements BLISS has made over this short span of just over a year, I was highly enthused to support their cause. I have volunteered to help with introducing their products to the international market here in Canada. This is something BLISS had already planned on venturing out on after their successful exhibitions in major cities of Pakistan (Lahore, Islamabad and Karachi) . They have recently tied up with international ambassadors in UK, France and Seattle to market the brand and build a customer base outside Pakistan as well. (Link:Bliss goes global). I hope we can soon add Canada to the list of their international buyers.

If you're in Canada and interested in owning a BLISS bag that will help a girl stay in school - here are some pictures of their 2011 collection, Sozaankar. I have ordered a couple of pieces already as samples, so if you're concerned about quality and value for your money - you can always look at the real thing by getting in touch with me via my blog.

More on the BLISS Story: Check out this great MSN video - Bags for Bliss: Design for social change